News article

Date: 18. September 2017

Three Sentences to Ruin a Relationship

Too little affection, one big lie, the absence of trust – these are the first things that come to mind when thinking about delicate situations that could potentially ruin a relationship. But there are much smaller, seemingly insignificant things that can herald the end of a relationship…

Every now and then there are negligibilities, or things people say that can poison a relationship. New insights in psychology show that a single negative comment by our partner will remain much more present in our memory than any positive comment.

A Healthy Relationship Needs a Bit of Both

Researchers agree on relationships needing both positive and negative impulses, even though the positive ones should surpass the negative by a significant amount. Dr. John Godman explained in his studies that a certain amount of negativity is necessary to form a solid relationship, yet positivity is what kindles the fire of love.

Dr. Godman finds that it takes 5 positive moments to even out just a single negative one after studying different couples. Unhappy couples have many more negative interactions with one another than positive ones.

Three Sentences to Significantly Damage Your Relationship

Alexandra Solomon, renowned scientist in social studies ascertained three sentences that can pressure any relationship significantly, and drive a partner further away, even though that not being the intention. It is of utmost importance in any relationship to be honest and upfront, especially when handling certain situations.

If You Really Loved me, You Would…

This typically is a common Sentence women thend to use, when they would like their partner to do something. In short: this line is emotional blackmailing, by implying that their partner is not putting enough effort into the relationship.
Alternative: Express yourself in an intimate situation, what is bothering you. Please avoid lamenting and whining since it will just create more pressure, once again. Rather say: “It’s difficult for me to understand why you … “.

Why Aren’t Things the Way They Used to Be?

If you or your partner use this Sentence, they seem to have a problem with the way the relationship currently is. But a relationship and love change over the years. To wail in reminiscence over the feeling you felt when you first met devalues your relationship.

Alternative: Focus on now. What are you thinking about now? What do you need now?  What do you want now? If you used to enjoy long walks together and miss having them ask your spouse: “I would like to go for a walk. Would you like to come?” Hour long debating about how things used to be is tiresome for everyone involved. Try to focus on how things are today.

You Are Like Your Mother/Your Father

You might as well slap whomever you are saying this to.

Alternative: If you don’t like the behavior of your partner speak out about it. “You are being loud and rude right now in this discussion. It makes me angry and as long as you are like this, I don’t like being around you.”